New Maid

John was in the garage lighting a fire, so I decided to head back to the maid's chamber and see what she was doing. Her blue outfit really caught my eye. The conversation was strained and I almost changed my mind, but because she was new I decided she should be shown around the house. We started off in the master bedroom. I tried to keep her on my side of the bed, but things got so dirty we ended up all over the room. Then we made our way to the bathroom, where I flipped her over, bumped into the sink and flipped her over again. We messed up her hair and had a good time doing it! I told her she was fabulous and we kept going. We were in the laundry room when I realized I had to stop, so I left her leaning against the wall. She could have taken a lot more and I might go back later and finish the job. She deserves it! It wasn't nearly as dirty as it could have been and there was more contortion than I'm used to, but we had a blast.

I love our new maid. John probably will too. He sounded really interested when I told him about our time together.

Oh, and did I mention we like to name our brooms?

Moon Pies

Schizophrenia.

It sparkles.

It walks through the forest and screams at the trees:

SHUT THE FUCK UP!

I'm trying to listen to the wind.

Philly Road Steak

The Punxsutawny Groundhog Club has just released word that the famous groundhog Punxsutawny Phil will not be making an appearance at the annual Groundhog Day's Celebration in Punxsutawny, PA this February second due to a sudden and unexpected illness. In his place will be a new and improved icon of spring fever: Alabaster Box, the albino terrapene turtle. Alabaster is new to the scene, but you may remember her twin brother, Ostentatious Ewen, who is best known for his role as that one white speed reflector your uncle hit on his way to Toledo last summer. 

Ewen, this one's for you!

Other locations around the country will see similar changes in the prophesying animal lineup. If you live up in Anchorage, Alaska, Mulligatawny Stu the polar bear will be making an appearance, and down in New Orleans, Louisiana, Lambasted Lyle the opossum will torpidly announce the spring forecast this Thursday. The bets are already being cast all over the state as to whether he'll play dead before or after he sees his shadow!

It's an exciting time for everyone here at the BOS, and we hope everyone enjoys the many fresh new faces coming to a roadside near you!

~ Happy spring 2012, everyone! ~