No hugs for you

Yeah, I write strange shit. I'm aware of what it sounds like. What I value in these remarks is how left field they can be, and my reputation be damned if it brings insights to others who really can improve the world. My goal is the same as it was: to live better than paycheck to paycheck (especially having to rely on someone elses!) and help eradicate or reroute the ugly behaviors that plague and ultimately end many childhoods. This is my cause and healthy childhoods will remain my goal.

Careful what you excuse.

Some Public Martyrdom For Your Pleasure

There is a group of people whose job it is to encourage nobodys to be honest beyond what most consider normal, to use what they can from the work, then dump shame on the artist they fed on so they have to reach further to go half the distance. They have a trick where they talk to their resource's characters, causing the perspective to flip, and leaves the writer thinking they are in their story and unable to create. They meanwhile walk off with their work. Both eventually bleed them dry, and they are by no means the only tricks they use. It's why I've been writing such helpful things as this only to get maligned for speaking up. Since becoming a writer I have also been followed by sex offenders, which is why I have so much to say about them. It would surprise me none to see my work elsewhere again, polished to suit the polished, and dressed in hints that this is something nasty or sociopathic and that I'm dangerous to their abundance. For that reason I repost this (with a few language tweaks that had unintentionally left things open to the wrong interpretation) and expect no change in how I am treated. Please note that if this sounds like it came from your latest fave sitcom it was probably the source, not the product. I don't watch much TV.
~

This is preventable. All you have to do is kill yourself a little.

In the magic fantasy world where paychecks are keys to your cohabitors private parts regardless of how you treat them, there are a few holdouts who still demand to not be abused for controlling their own identities. They are the ones who learned earlier than the rest how others expected to use their bodies and have built a worldview that doesn't involve being dominated and shamed. These are not the children who were trained to accept the 'spite to reshape in your own image' tradition. These are the ones who saw anger and punishment as playing god and said NO F#!%ING WAY when the message was to kill a vital part of the self to make life easier for others. These people know they are more than programmable bodies with errant behaviors to be modified by others through spite and violence. These people are scientific in their approach to behavior and who judge the outcomes of those spites before deciding to employ the tool. These people know such, let's call it making, actually produces more of the self destructive behavior it claims to eliminate, and it does so by treating the underrepresented like stuff.

These people know that if a mind can be trained then the trainers should be chosen for their efficacy and contribution to the final product, not granted making rights because of genetic similarity or proximity or the sincere appearance of their smile. These people know that to allow someone to train you, whether or not they bred or fed you, is in some ways to allow them to train you to suit their breeding habits, and such influences should be chosen with care.

How does that work? It's simple. Power is habitually given to those with the most resources through imitation of language and behavior. Displays of power work to reassure the leader's linguistic clones (as we copy the language of those with the shiniest stuff in the pursuit of more stuff. Don't worry, it's perfectly natural.) that those resources are safe. The spite and soothe technique conditions clones to imitate the resource holder/defender, thereby acting as distracting copies of the leader/defender and in the same doing cloning their breeding habits. Language is groomed through repetition, teasing, spite, and omission. As they train their children to endear themselves to the creators of need they create more breeding options for the leader and by extension, themselves. It becomes a tradition, then a culture. If that culture becomes locked in a pattern of obedience and only pays heed to what the leader points to the group can be blindly driven, like lemmings, off a cliff.

When leadership is wise the less-than perfect emulators are not treated like production errors and the resources are guarded by less by fearful but equally effective means. The aggressions of the human body are channeled into more productive - or at least less destructive - patterns. Industrious creativity is encouraged because they aren't terrorized into living in a protective ivory tower. The athlete and the artisan are fine examples, as they channel existing angst into production of finer things. The skill of the individual is enhanced rather than removed. The pressure created by the situation acts as fuel rather than like a wound.

There is one vital aspect to great leadership that comedians and other producers of mass messages have at times either missed or forgotten: If we are to continue to have a driving hope for better things we must not damn our inner child. This is why breeding habits and language must never be prescribed. In no small way, if a child has a sexuality that would displease the leader and the parent insists they change then the parent has sold their child's body to the leader in exchange for access to stuff. Treating the body and mind as upgradeable public property in an environment where the leadership has no use for them creates self destructive behavior as their value is diminished. It is imperative that we teach children what their bodies do and give them inclusive looks at how different cultures are taught to treat those who are prone to those behaviors. As anyone battling censorship knows, limiting information enslaves. It is the same when language about natural bodily functions is restricted. Like the comic below, omitting language diminishes individual power and reroutes control to the few.

Being spited in the sexuality hits an individual in the survival instincts and the inner child, and cuts them off from who they knew they were before parents, leadership, and their local language reshaped them. For someone with already underrepresented orientations this means their physical reality is erased and they are spoken to as if someone else. Prescribing language is useful in its own way, but it is not how we create citizens of an inclusive, multicultural world. In fact it creates the opposite.

The damning effect does not stem from treating behaviors like they are silly. Damning is the product of spite in all its forms, including verbal and physical, as label meaning is fixed and a prescribed reaction is forced into the individual with the spited trait. Being silly means you don't get it and are too shy to ask. Being hateful at someone means you are afraid for them as they fail to live up to your master, who is to be feared. Basically, being spiteful means your leaders suck and they literally (not a pun!) own your ass.

Owning your ass is why it is so important to offer allow children to understand their own gender first and then guide them toward leaders who don't demand self-destructive endearments. We must never teach them to be blind to what harms or drugs them, including us, the parents, even if it means they call us on our own bullsh!t sometimes. Children are able to see parts of the world we haven't been allowed the freedom to explore by traditional leadership. They are like our own inner children, and we have a choice whether or not to damn them for not pleasing our 'lords'. We make civilization together. Anyone who says otherwise is trying to shape it in their own image. It is my hope, and hopefully the hope of others as well, that terrifying and sexualizing children should be considered with great care before any steps are taken to clone the hero through the child. It is also my hope that leaders step up and expand the language - and therefore the culture - to create more inclusive, almost demystifying, sex/gender acceptance and understanding and move the ever-present desire to be effective in the world to another more constructive outlet. With more knowledge of what others consider normal, functioning in the world becomes more mutually respectful and the bigger, more pressing issues can be approached with less distraction.

Get them away from the mirror.

Consider what the ancient Olympics did to ceremonialize boundary disputes when regional competitors wrestled in the nude as equals and penultimate physical expressions of the land they called home. Poor keeping of the land made for poor athletes. Those who worked with the land produced heroes. The poor farmers produced weaker athletes. What they did with athletics can also be done in modern communities if media producers choose to drive people to be more constructive and stop damning them for what they know themselves to be and cannot change. Eliminating sex shaming from the vocabulary and broadening its scope would, I believe, cause catastrophic damage to the real masturbation problem the technologically saturated modern person has, which is f#!king ourselves after being bombarded by a bunch of worthless taboos. Shaping a message to create weapons of mass mating habits is an old trick in need of a new scapegoat now that there are plenty of fish in the sea. I don't mean to imply all media messages should be nice, only that as its re-producers when we spite something we are telling everyone to replace it with our way, so our bullsh!t better be worth the go and isn't creating the traits we are calling sh!t through our work.

This change demands we look at the consequences of consumerism, not to eliminate it, but to change what we treat as disposable. Unless (and even if) we are ascetic, resources matter. In our personal search for mirth it helps to have the right tools. Everyone is a unique expression of their situation. If we want more artists (even if it's only to rip them off lol) we are challenged with the creation of language that empowers people to try things using the paternalistic method, but aiming at modern foolish behavior. The art patron elevates what they appreciate. Its worth - if the public agrees it has any - is enhanced without any need to spite the other. It is social erasure and it is a tool to be valued. The same process applies to parenting and writing: Not spiting your child's nature by enforcing patterns you find valuable, especially when it comes to sexuality, gives them ownership of their body and thwarts outside attempts to control them. Knowing this, it's no mistake that parents use fear and pain to train in behaviors. I'm saying it can be done another way. Carefully chosen and respectful guidance can enhance their unique expression without them spiralling off into self destructive situations. This way they grow to adulthood owning their bodies and their mistakes, valuing what they contribute, and understanding their appetites. They grow up with a solid sense of self, not swept away by the incessant placate-your-violent (creepy, grumpy, sex offendish)-grandad-and-hope-for-an-inheritance upgrade machine, but an active agent defending their self interest, free to care about themselves and contribute to society. They will bring the best of you with them. They will see it because it wasn't drowned out by the patterns you would have imposed.

The alternative is more of the same: scared children of all ages looking for something to label trash so their prescribed 'life' looks better by comparison. Spite dominating their emotions, the cycle reproduces itself as the abused look for something to kill the pain. If the system of spiting other people's surplus is truly enshrined then there really is no humanity and we are a bunch of assholes looking for another excuse to get off. If that's the case then labeling things trash is redundant and humans are a bunch of jerk-offs try to hide from reality by wearing ever changing fictional characters, spited into stupidity as they shame it out with anyone and everyone for doing the same damned things. Gettting rid of the stupid things they've been attacked for could bring a lot of drowning people back to life. My 'dirtied' childhood is an example of going to the opposite extreme to avoid being what the 1970's media prescribed for females. Today there are more voices to choose from that would have, in hindsight, changed everything. And it's getting better by the day, but we must participate and contribute to the language if we want any lasting effect.

As long as there are breeding patterns and mass media artists will continue to have the ability to parent other people's children through their product. We can only hope those creating mass media realize that damning a child for treating their sexuality as their own is a vital missing ingredient in the recipe for healthy adulthood, and that when they have difficulty finding the language to describe themselves we must explore our many languages and cultures with them in order to help them find themselves. This is of course with emphasis on what social norms exist and the punishments for breaking them. We create stronger individuals when we show our children that attraction is decided by biology and that many types of relationships occur. Once they know what they have to protect and what consequences are aimed at specific behaviors we let them choose their own definitions and respect them. (There's always the option of allowing them to guess so you can blame them for guessing.) Genders as we know it are languages and all parents know each child begins with their own. Listen. If you try to overwrite it the persona you replace it with is not them, it's your fantasies. Teach them what you know but DO NOT impose your likes and gender expectations on your children. Consider how much time you spend thinking about methods you use to get on other people's good sides and just don't. The abusive people you're afraid will pick on your child are being dealt with, and allowing your child's gender identity to shine will help eradicate those who forcibly prescribe their mating preferences to everyone.

As long as there is media making magic stuff with attractive bodies and clever personality traits there will be people thinking that what they are exposed to is the only way to live and children need to know there are other, much more real, people for them to emulate. I believe that through changing how we approach physicality in product, our children (inner children included) will become more comfortable with our place in the world and our responsibilities. Gender and sexuality issues need to be portrayed more often, and more LGBTQ roles must be played by children in order to get past the damaged adult's defenses and reach their inner kid. I believe when combined with a change in what we spite we can enhance people's overall health and self esteem without damaging the profit margin. Things are already beginning to change as gender roles are more often treated as normal in the common language. Let's cast a wider net by creating a language that weighs all things gender as normal somewhere rather than fetishizing it and making it the candy of a magic time in the future. Listen to your outsiders, and create a new boundary for what we consider self destructive behavior. You will quickly discover this difference really does make a difference.

~

Need kindling?

Have I been used up and blackmailed into shutting up yet? I set out with the intent to write science fiction and instead was forced to become an idea seeder depicted as bumbling villain by opportunists who would rather make easy money and fuck the world in the doing. But they made it look like fun, so it must be the best idea.

Everyone thank them by helping them make more douchebags, eh.

And happy Easter.

A modest plan

I've been following Detroit politics since I was in my teens and nothing has changed its trajectory as another rust belt disaster area. I really think this can help.

 

Laine Colley

April 17, 2014

Detroit Mayor's Office

2 Woodward Avenue, Suite 1126
Detroit, MI 48226

Detroit, what the hell are you doing?

You don't need $100 million dollars from the federal government to fix what is wrong with your town. All you have to do is give some of your thousands of empty, liveable houses to homeless veterans and give them something to do such as help tear down the houses that can't be recovered and plant milkweed and other vitally important growing things in newly created green spaces.

Consider the symbolic value of this design. The veterans have seen and experienced things that most of us can't imagine. They know utter destruction and carry an image of it with them. It's why our fluffed-up society has had trouble reintegrating them. They have a fierce desire to live in a peaceful place and their presence in Detroit as contributing residents could shake up the city's destructive cycle while giving the veterans a therapeutic rehabilitation project. As they help bring the town out of chaos their traumas could get buried with the rubble of what cannot be repaired.

Consider it: These men and women have on their consciences the destruction of cities and the lives of people in them. Offering them a place in sometimes similar condition and able to to be rehabilitated in trade for a place to call home gives them a constructive project that uses their training and skills. Detroit gains residents who can handle tough neighborhoods and the veterans gain a valuable codependent relationship with a part of the world where their bravery is still useful. What they cannot rebuild abroad they can channel into revitalizing your city and in the doing ease their battered consciences.

Take the money or don't (though if your record is any indication you probably will and it'll last about five months) but seriously consider bringing veterans into your town. They probably have a better idea of what is going wrong and how to fix it than you ever will.

Call me. I can help.

Sincerely,

Laine Colley

https://www.linkedin.com/pub/laine-colley/89/545/180

DON'T DO THAT!

Children don't know they have limits until we make them adopt ours. It's our job as parents to bounce those egos off of reality once in a while, and the ordeal is how it's done. Raise the bar.

~

April 2014 -- On any given weekend you can sit in our living room and listen as our 13-year-old son plays video games in the loft above. Occasionally, if you're sensitive to such things, you'll also hear him let fly a string of four-letter-words. Only rarely do we holler up for him to cut it out, and when we do, he does.

When I was a child some swearing was normal. We lived on a hobby farm so as long as the word was used to describe the thing all was well. We never used the f-bomb, but sh!t was sh!t and even at the age of six I could describe it with the best of them. Our son was offered similar guidance, but I changed the rules a bit.

Instead of just letting it go when he finally had the courage to swear in front of us, we created milestones for him to reach in order to use a certain word. When he turned ten we granted him the right to use 'hell' and 'damn' with discrimination. When he turned thirteen he was granted permission to say 'sh!t'.

His responsibility with cursing has always been to understand when the words are welcome and when using them would get him into trouble. If he misused his privilege and used language to slur or attack someone he lost the right to use those terms. It has always been important for him to learn the impact of taboo words so they can be tools for articulate expression rather than ways to be naughty. So far the process has been successful and he is able to express his frustrations better because he can vent the explosiveness behind them and get to the message more efficiently.

Rituals like these are disappearing in the technological age. The process of earning new rank by learning how to navigate the language has become less about socialization of young people and rites of passage and has been replaced with practicing for employment obedience tests and the procurement of gadgets, leading to mentally isolated and disassociated children who identify more with their entertainers than with real people, who are likely the product of the same system. Their progress into adulthood is punctuated with threats; a blur of fantasy, escapism, and indulgence without relevant and rewarding hurdles to prove they can temper their own mirth.

In these instances parents need to change. Rather than using money and stuff as rewards for doing chores they should be doing anyway, reward them with new rights. Proving they can be trusted to use the riding lawn mower is a big deal, and if we make a fuss it leads to more care, both for the task at hand and later when they learn how to drive. Being careful to limit scarcity in those areas of life where more attention is needed draws out their care. Money is a fine reward for work well done and placing emphasis on quality work adds an understanding of the value of things. By creating ordeals we teach children to raise the bar on their own.

This same method was used to get him to care about cleaning his room. He was allowed to live in a mess with a few very disruptive cleaning sessions that taxed us all emotionally and physically. Eventually he realized that not putting things away made more work and chaos than it was worth and has found his appreciation for tidiness.

He doesn't get paid for doing it. Unless you're training them to be a housekeeper, having a clean room is about self care, not money. The reward is having a nice place to reside, not the ability to pile in more stuff. Rather than commodifying the act as if they are employed, we put a value on his ability to raise his own standards and to accomplish the task better than last time. Living in his own mess taught him to value paying attention to details.

Consider the Pinewood derby. When the Scouts first started the event the boys carved their own cars and did all the work on improvements. Now it is almost unheard of for the child to do the work because parents jump in and do it for them. The winner of the derby isn't the child anymore and it's obvious by how little they care about the reward. And of course they wouldn't because they didn't win. It was handed to them, and they act like it was handed to them, they know it'll happen again, and they learn to expect it.

Children need rites of passage, even if it is taking their favorite app and turning it into a backyard project. Such ordeals teach them the middle steps to the ideals they are already familiar with, and it shows them that although their mind may have the knowledge, their body must also live the process. It helps them discover their physical limits and, in the case of doing the real thing instead of playing a game, introduces them to real living skills. Whether it's a tweenage Sufferfest to make the most enthusiastic Boy Scout blanch or having them create their own clothing, children need to know what they can accomplish and treating the skills like milestones does just that. It would seem to be a no-brainer until you consider the behavior of some of the adults.

My husband and I may not have done everything perfectly for our son so far but we have managed to bring out his artist and his crafstman. He understands that work done well is its own reward and he has learned the value of respecting other peoples boundaries. Most importantly, he isn't afraid to fail or get hurt trying to make his dent in our reality. Knowing he is welcome to use the many tools at his disposal he is his own empowered (and occasionally blustery) co-creator, and I think he's going to turn out just fine.